bone crushing, heart breaking [declan]

[toby]

The lifts and falls of his rough fingers along the beautiful instrument in front of him produced such a relaxing sound, Toby had to close his eyes for the moment. His mind was in complete solitude while his fingers glided gracefully along that milk-white keys, his mind becoming so fixated on the melody he had spent so many hours alone cooped up in his disfunctional room. He paid no mind to the chance of someone intruding on his moment of privacy from the rest of world, the music room of the school not exactly being one of the most private places in the world. But he had taken a moment between classes, to hide away, a skill he had built out of bricks, becoming a wall away from the people he was surronded by. But he let his fingers press the buttons of the piano, a fluent language escaping the tips of his guitarist hands. He was aware of sound proof walls that was keeping this room originial from the rest of the building, and it only comforted his soul even more as he sat at the front of the empty class. Most would imagine a room filled with people in awe, but Toby liked the loneliness of his heaven. Something that he used to loathe, to something he looked forward to in his everyday life. Slowly it was beginning to morph back into it's original state, with the unexpected arrival of Declan, along with the friendship with Charlie and Jamie, he felt as though he had been thrusted back into the socializing current. 
His mind began to wander, the melody becoming as distant as he himself was. The beat became slower, as his eye lids fluttered open. When a haunting reality hit that he wasn't in his heaven of lonesomeness. He continued on with his music, as pale green eyes looked at a shifting clock, the end of a school day about to come to an end yet again. One last class to drag himself through before freedom for the remainder of the day, knowing for sure he wasn't going to take a second look at his homework. He detested the fact that he spent hours in a place that made him use his mind to it's full potential, causing minor head aches along the way, and a need for a good nap by the end of it all, then he has to go home and deal with it for two more hours, replaying the statement 'No, don't worry! It'll take about fifteen minutes!' He sailed along in school with an alright mark, and was contempt with that, feeling as though, at this point, he may have been one of the only ones to have no idea of where he was planning to direct his life in. He hadn't drawn a map that didn't consist of keeping a watchful eye on his 'ill' father. 
The creek of a door made his fingers hesistate, before coming to a stop, shy greeting him before he was even able to react. Butterflies swirled and dipped at the bottom of his stomach, like he had been caught in a crime, and he slowly stood up, the sound of giggling freshman girls meeting the back of his ears. He wished they'd go away, leave him there alone with the piano, but he knew it'd soon be time for class, anyhow. Their eyes didn't meet, but he didn't mind, but he knew in the back of their minds they would. His imagination replaced their symmetrical faces that were placed in his head with animal heads, and their faces were gone. His eyes stayed away from others, so they didn't take it as an opportunity to socialize with him. He liked being anonymous amoungst students, but as the days closed in on his final days at that highschool, it was becoming difficult, especially with Charlie's new found interest in the boy. It left him dumb founded how she had even noticed his existence before the end of their highschool life, expecting to remain unnoticed by the other teenagers his age, but ever since she sat down with him at lunch one day, his anonymous code had been stripped of him. The faces he grew up him gave him curious looks, they judged him without even knowing who he was. This was something he had tried so hard to push away, being unnoticed meant no one bothered him in ways he felt uncomfortable.
Toby dodged fellow students, making no stop as he headed for his next and final class of the day. He wished for relief, but the fact that it was gym that he was nearing, his mind couldn't decide. He'd barely participate in the sports, or not at all. He always felt as though everyone was staring at him whole he ran with his shorts on, looking awkward like he always did. He felt as though he did not fit in with the class he was stuck with. He always seemed to be stuck with the jocks and preps, and it only made him even more self conscious. Their narrow-minded eyes allows slipped a second look at him now-a-days and he was beginning to want to hide away. 
The locker room was quiet, aware that he had got there before anyone else, as the sound of the opening door as he entered echoed, and no one responded. He crept over, the feeling of being unwelcome taking over, and unease at the thought of someone coming in and starting an awkward one-sided conversation, in which Toby would not participate in. It had happened in recent times, where someone as high and mighty on the popularity throne, such as Benny, the football captain, had been alone with him in the changing room. Toby would quickly grab his clothes and hurry over to a bathroom stall, never dare changing in front of the eyes of the other boys, scared they might pick him apart. He repeated his routine, grabbing his clothes, and getting changed in a stall. The sound of groups of boys began to fill the space, as Toby changed into a loose white shirt, and a pair of black shorts. He detested having to change, only to change again at the end of class, as well as a shower.
Toby's gym class settled as ordinary, he had become used to the absence of his boyfriend in that class, Declan deciding to use that class as a resting period, taking a nap on a bench somewhere in the locker room. Before Toby realized the chances of actually having company through the whole gym class was next to rare, he sometimes sat by the sleeping Declan, waiting for when the boy would decide it was about time to go to class. Three full classes missed, spent watching, waiting, and listening to Declan sleep, before he gave in and gave up. But yet again, like so many gym classes before this one, he failed to fully take part in the physical activities. The teacher showed signs of disappointment, as he jogged by he'd hear him sigh, or some way of letting Toby know he needed to pick up the pace. But the end of the day came quickly for once, since the class was slack for once. 
Toby made his way towards the locker room for the second time that day, making sure to sneak in before the rest of them, so he wouldn't get caught in gym-class traffic, as he called it. He did what he usually did, letting the rest of the guys wake up Declan, so Toby could get changed and Declan wouldn't be waiting around for Toby to get dressed, before putting his clothes back and going to wake Declan up.

WORD COUNT: one thousand three hundred
SONG the cave - mumford & sons 
NOTES: bleh
TAGS: declandeclandeclan

[DECLAN ISAAC PIERCE]

A day like any other was before him, and there was nothing interesting or out of the ordinary about it. He followed an obsessive routine daily; rolling out of bed in a certain way was the first thing he had to do. If he failed at doing so, he had to re-do it until he got it right. Some days it would take two times, others it would take twenty, and today happened to be one of those days where he just could not get it right. After thirty seven times in counting of tossing his blanket off the bed and rolling onto the ground, landing perfectly on his hands and knees he finally felt satisfied. He looked up at the clock and realized he wasted about ten minutes trying to successfully get out of bed. Declan bit on his bottom lip and stood up, grabbing a new pair of green and black plaid boxers and slipping them on. Those were followed with tight, almost suffocating black skinny jeans that he found in the girls department of the store. They were a size zero, which was extremely weird that a guy of his height and age could fit into. It undoubtedly had to do with the fact that he starved himself day and night, refusing to eat anything. He threw a shirt on that represented one of his favorite bands, Whitechapel, and it hung loosely on his body. It was short sleeved and black, like the rest of his outfit. He stepped into his black and white, heavy duty Vans that were placed conveniently in front of the bathroom that he soon entered. The bathroom – just like the rest of the house – was un-ordinarily clean, organized, and tidy. This was also no thanks to the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that Declan was ever so ‘blessed’ with.

As he kept the house clean, he also kept himself clean. Declan washed his face four times, brushing his teeth twice for four minutes each time, and took twenty minutes to straighten his well-washed hair. It was thinner than it used to be, but that was a symptom of his anorexia and he tried to hide it with hats and hoods as much as he could. When people asked him why is was so thin he just said it was something that had always been like that, a lie he often had to tell. He had grown accustomed to lying, it was sad really, but there wasn’t much else he could do about that. When someone was trying to hide something as precious to them as this, they went to great lengths, and that he did. He lied to everyone, even to his boyfriend – mister Toby Oliver. He hated having to deny any eating requests, but it was almost something that he didn’t even think about anymore before saying no to. He figured he was probably going to grow suspicious sooner or later, but until then he continued to be himself. Declan felt three of his kittens rubbing against his legs as he put his finishing touches onto his hair and he smiled to himself, carefully maneuvering around them and leading them to their food bowls. He delicately filled them and also put water in their water dishes, petting them as they finished drinking and eating. He cooed at them to be quiet, hoping that their cute, but high pitched meows wouldn’t wake his brother. It was just him and Peter in the house because their parents were arrested, and Declan was under the watch of Peter. He carefully picked two of them up and let the oldest follow him into his room, where he left the litter box (which was cleaned daily and accompanied by an air freshener), water, and some extra food for them.

He left the house with his back-pack over his left shoulder, walking with his boyfriend to school, just as he did daily. Declan smiled and joked with him, yet he still felt this odd, dizzier feeling that made him feel uneasy. He was unaware of all the things that could happen to him from not eating, he was under the impression that it wouldn’t do a thing to him. Sure, it’d be a little bit weird with his stomach at first but what harm could it really do, in the long run? Declan went through classes as he did normally, sleeping through half of the first block and doodling for the rest of the classes. He hid in the boy’s bathroom during lunch and smoked a cigarette in one of the stalls, trying to calm his nerves. He rarely smoked at school for numerous reasons or at home because he was more into smoking weed than cigarettes. It was one of the first five cigarettes that he had in his life time, this one. He didn’t like how it felt, though, and silently vowed not to smoke those anymore after flushing it down the toilet and dropping the lighter in the trashcan on his way out. He sprayed himself with some cologne and brushed his teeth with a toothbrush he kept in his backpack and some toothpaste. It was weird to carry around that kind of thing, but the boy couldn’t care less, honestly. It was just another part of his want – or as he looked at it, his absolute need to be extremely clean at all times of the day.

The rest of the day went by smoothly for the most part, but it was tiring really – more tiring than normal, actually. It was weird for even him to feel so worn out, when he hadn’t even done much but walk through hallways. He slept for about fourteen hours the night before, and plus the hour in first period, it just didn’t add up to him. Declan shrugged it off and carried his bony, lanky body to the locker rooms for gym class. He planned on taking his nap on the bench and not even coming in, but he knew the teacher wouldn’t miss him. Hell, he didn’t even know how often he actually showed up for that damned class. He wouldn’t be surprised if the teacher didn’t even know his face. He normally dressed out anyways, so he waited for everybody to leave before starting to undress. An extreme dizziness took over and he sat down, his clothes all off except for his boxers, and he wasn’t even sure how to deal with it. Declan leaned onto the locker when he got up again and stood there idly, too afraid to take a nap or go and participate in gym class. They both seemed like very, very dangerous options and he just stood there, still, hoping not to make a noise. He choked a little bit on his own breath when he heard someone coming towards him, and he didn’t even realize that he fell frontwards onto the bench in front him until about five seconds after it happened. He tried blinking his eyes open and conjuring up the strength to get up, but before he knew it, everything went black. It was an odd position, really, and if you knew him well enough then you’d know something was wrong. Why? Because even as lazy as he was, he usually made a point to fall asleep on the bench in a certain position – on his side, legs curled up.

word count, 1232
tagged for, toby oliver / emily
declan's outfit, just these
notes, declan you imbecile.
music, inside of you - the maine

[toby]

 
A state of shock was what he had expected to happen to him when he saw the motionless frail body on the bench in such an awkward position. Worry swept over his train of thought, as he lined up a dark reality with what was in front of him. Declan would never be too tired to sleep in his usual spot. He'd never allow himself to sleep any other way. He wanted to switch into panic mode, falling to his knees beside the boy, calling his name, hoping he'd regain conscienceness, but failed. His eyes watched as boys flowed into sight, curious eyes set on the scene as the teacher rushed in, and took over.
Pianist fingers glided over tightening skin, Declan's hand remained motionless even after the touch. He formed circles and imagined moons grinning back with mocking eyes, a childhood reality taking his comfort away. The colour of his eyes showed off the hollow emptiness that remained inside the walls of his pumping heart. He felt the wind carry his body day to day, as the weights of his wants fell to the ground, and soon become his needs. He didn't have the strength to pull along, he could feel it in his bones, as they began to shatter as the days rolled along. He sat upright, watching the skeleton of the angel he had sworn to protect. He lay asleep as Toby used his body as a canvas of his finger sketching, creating images of creatures of his past. Declan's room felt so cold to him, like the walls had been sucked of life when Declan crashed down. A gloomy presence filled the room, as he thought of hospital beds and beeping machines. He wanted the heart monitor to leave him be, stop coming for more, but it insisted on taking what meant most to him. 
He felt the layers of clothes become too heavy, as he became too weak, and too tired to support himself. He set his head down on the pillow, his eyes staying on the starving boy. He was finally relieved of the horrid smell of the cleanliness of hospital rooms, and it was replaced with the lemony scent of Declan's clothes. The smells and sounds of the hospital hallways were becoming acquaintances, and the welcoming feeling was beginning to fade as his ears grew used to the long hours of impatient nights in the waiting room. He'd feel the sword of the knight who brought the news against the inside layer of his skin, that stab to the heart from the inside. 'He overdosed' repeated the broken record in the back of his mind. He felt emotionally exhausted of all this, and he just wanted to lay down to sleep and let the moon's shadows swallow him whole in a deep slumber. Maybe being alone wouldn't so hard as it was now. 
Toby wrapped his arms around the tiny body, and wondered if it was as hollow as it was becoming to look. He moved in gentle and slow motions, hoping not to wake the sleeping beauty. Sleeping beauty. Oh how he wished Declan could take these words and make them the heading of his mind's thoughts. He wanted him to know how he radiated an angel's image no matter what time of the day. He pictured resting wings attached to Declan's back, waiting for the morning rise to stretch and become transportation. He pictured his pale skin being a marble colour, that it'd shine with a certain kind of glow when the sun hits it just right. He watched as his own personal heaven's child slept, like he had since the incident. He wondered what kind of images his mind created, what vague dreams he was having, if they were dreams at all. 
He exhaled, as if it were the last relief of stressful air as he thought of Declan's release from the hospital. No more distant sounds of phones ringing, or chattering that made no difference to your life. For now, Declan was at home, not the hospital.

WORD COUNT: six hundred and eighty six
SONG rabbit song - boy & bear
NOTES: bleh
TAGS: declandeclandeclan