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Post by JAMES RUSSELL RUNE on Feb 28, 2011 21:28:24 GMT -5
 call me dragon Life's been a little bit crazy for me lately... but y'know, whatever. fuck a duck and see what hatches. I got in a fight that I intrigued for good enough reasons. nobody messes with my best friend and gets away with it. personally, i think i'm a pretty cool guy... but i'm also apart of my family. we're well known for having serious anger management problems. some, like my dad and my brother, tend to.. show it more... but whatever. it's no biggie.
september 15th, 2011 |
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Post by JAMES RUSSELL RUNE on Mar 6, 2011 22:23:24 GMT -5
My heart dropped so far down my stomach that I don't think it'll be swimming back up anytime soon. I'm going to go take a shower and go to bed...
september 22nd, 2011 |
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Post by JAMES RUSSELL RUNE on Mar 7, 2011 21:33:37 GMT -5
My last two blogs never really… er, weren’t even blog worthy. They were practically tweets. I’m gonna keep it anonymous, but I go to a high school, I’m seventeen, gay, in glee club, on the football team, and a basketball player. I hate football, I really do. I’m only on it because my brother, his friends, and my dad would kick my ass if I weren’t on it. And plus… the guy that I wish felt the same about me is there too… it’s embarrassing, really. He probably thinks im some weird romantic freak now, and he doesn’t want to see me anymore. I blew it. Probably the only chance at a guy that I could’ve had this year. He’ll be gone next year… and I’ll have to live with the fact that I lost him. maybe this was all a scheme to hurt me. it seems like, no matter what, everybodys out to get me. my dad. “frank.” “Benita.” And apparently even… the guy I like.. a lot. Maybe he doesn’t though… I don’t know what to think… I thought I could trust him… but I guess not. I’m so embarrassed, I’m probably not gonna go tomorrow. Today was my last OSS day from a fight. But imam make myself puke or something, so I can convince my mom I’m sick. Ipecac, here I come.
So about the OSS. I have a best friend. She’s in a sticky situation. She loves this boy… who I will call voldemort. He’s a dick. He thinks im like in love with her, but im GAY. and I told him that. But he doesn’t believe that im seriously only her gay best friend. It probably doesn’t help that I pounded his face in for cheating on her… but whatever… honestly I have more to worry about. My dad hits me because im gay… and he doesn’t let me eat inside the house. I practically stuff my face at lunch, and if im lucky, my unsuspecting mother will bring food to my room and eat with me up there. if only she knew… if only.
september 22nd, 2011 |
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Post by JAMES RUSSELL RUNE on Mar 29, 2011 1:10:11 GMT -5
There’s so much in my life that’s improved, but I can’t ever seem to escape the bad vibes, no matter what. There’s nothing that makes me feel better than being in his arms anymore. As amazing as that is, just to have him, it’s really not healthy for me to be so dependent on my poor boyfriend. He gave up so much for me. His two best friends. It’s rough right now. I feel so loved, but then when I get home, I feel worthless. I wish I didn’t live where I do. Even my brother’s girlfriend won’t look at me without sending a disappointed vibe. My mom seems to be one of the few not frowning at me for my decision, and even she needed to be prodded and pleaded into believing in my relationship. My dad, though. Don’t even get me fucking started. It was bad enough that he was angry with me for acting and looking homosexual, but now that he knows I’m out of the closet officially and active, it’s like hes planning my death. He hasn’t struck me yet, because mom has been home and he hasn’t gotten the chance. But the day after Christmas… well, lets just say… im expecting a bad one.
december 22nd, 2011 |
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Post by JAMES RUSSELL RUNE on May 15, 2011 23:31:39 GMT -5
At this point, I don’t think I care if anyone finds this blog, so I’m just going to stop now with all the bullshitty code names. My name is James Rune. I’m seventeen, a gleek; on the football team… we’ve been through all of this before. It’s nothing new. If you read my previous entries closely enough then you’ll be able to figure out that my dad abuses me. My mother, siblings, and closest friends are all completely clueless about it. Well, except, not really. Benny (my oldest brother), his girlfriend, my boyfriend, and Toby know. And I haven’t talked to Kaylee (my best friend) in a while… but we’re definitely in need for a B.F.F talk, and pronto. I have a feeling that it’s going to be found out by someone who will do something about it and soon, but I’m trying not to think about that. I’m mostly scared about the time between someone finding out, calling the police, and my dad finding out. What if he did something before the police arrived? Something drastic – like finding me, and finishing the job I know he’s been dreaming of fulfilling. I know, I know – I shouldn’t be worried, after all, I’m living with my boyfriend. But every phrase of threatening intent never left my head, and I doubt it ever will. I can’t even count how many times he easily could have ended my life. It makes me wonder, am I really that bad of a son, just for being homosexual, or is my dad a total nut job? I worked so hard to maybe get some kind of recognition, for you know, my actual accomplishments. And god forbid I actually did something worth punishing. In a way, I’m glad I’m out of that house, but I still can’t help but feel afraid. It doesn’t matter where my dad is in the world, locked up or not, my fear of him will never die, and I can guarantee that. It is comforting though to be away from where it all started and “ended.”
What really got to me sometimes, was that my older brother Benny could come home with straight D’s, get mildly scowled at and then praised for his football achievements that literally don’t change. Like, I don’t think he’s even that good at football… but that’s just me. I sometimes got a pat on the back for doing well in Basketball and Football myself, but only in front of mom. In the case where it was only dad, he’d look at my average score efforts and say “you could have done better.” And it’s the same thing with my report card. I get A’s and B’s here and there. I’m fucking dyslexic – does he have any idea how hard it is for someone, LIKE ME, to maintain honor roll? I study so much harder than everyone… it’s so… so frustrating… sometimes I want to give up. But he kept me going, purely out of fear. I’m hoping to change, even though I know I’ll always be scared in some way… it’ll be me, not him. I’m just worried that if I do call the police on him, he’ll somehow come back, break out of prison, and kill me and everyone close to me. it sounds far fetched… but you don’t know him, whoever you are reading this, like I do. Maybe with me gone he won’t feel the need to hit someone. So, it’ll all stop. I just can’t see my family often… which isn’t something I want to do… but if its necessary…
may 22nd, 2011 |
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