MCCOY, ALEXANDER DANTE

[ALEXANDER DANTE McCOY]

alexander dante mccoy, *

SENIOR, EIGHTEEN, NICE, BOYD HOLBROOK, ATHELETIC, BI CURIOUS

" NOW THAT WE KNOW YOUR NAME, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD PREFER TO BE CALLED?
"Alex, my mom calls me Alexander when she's mad at me. Sometimes the guys on my hockey team call me Alexander, because you know how guys are, they just do that. They joke around with first names, last names, all that."

I HAVE TO ASK: MALE, FEMALE, OR SOMETHING IN BETWEEN?
"I'm a dude..."

GOOD, I WAS STARTING TO WORRY. NOW, HOW OLD ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"Should I be insulted by that? And I'm eighteen, turned eighteen last January."

WELL, YOU LOOK YOUNG FOR YOUR AGE. HOW DO YOU STAY IN SHAPE?
"Really? A lot of people think I should be in college by now, but I'm not old enough. You're a first."

OH, I'LL HAVE TO TRY THAT. MOVING ON: YOUR HAIR, IS THAT YOUR NATURAL COLOR?
"Yup, I know, it's pretty blonde."

DON'T MEAN TO BE A PEST BUT, HOW TALL ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"6"2, somewhere around there. I'm not lanky or anything, just tall and muscular, I suppose. A lot of guys are my height, though."

I WOULD NEVER HAVE CONSIDERED THAT GEORGE CLOONEY MIGHT BE GAY. WHAT ABOUT YOU?
"Probably, haha. Mom loves him, thinks he's one of the cutest men alive... I don't see it. I've seen cuter men then that. Not... That I like guys... I mean, I've looked at a couple, but there's nothing wrong with that, right?"

OH REALLY? WELL, WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT. EVER BEEN SAILING?
"Nah, not really. I don't like the water. I mean, I can swim, but I wouldn't go sailing for the fun of it, or anything like that."

WELL THEN, WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
"Uh, sports. If you consider that spare time. If not, I actually ride horses. Mom loves horses, and got me into it. A lot of people laugh about it, so I stopped bringing it up, but it's relaxing, sometimes, you know? Just let your horse go on a stroll with you. I love it."

DON'T WORRY, THIS IS ALL CONFIDENTIAL. GO AHEAD, TELL US WHAT YOU ENJOY.
"I love sports, especially Hockey. I mean, I play various sports, but Hockey is just fun. I love circling around on the ice after every game, or before and after practice. I also like dogs. I don't know, I'm a very animal type of guy, but I love dogs. Especially big dogs, big dogs are my favorite. I like pizza, I'd be able to chow down on four pizzas by myself if health wasn't an issue."

WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING THAT GETS ON YOUR NERVES?
"I don't really like my grandfather. He has a tendency to yell at me and my brother, and throw things at us. I understand he's old, like, ancient times old, but still. He gets boring when he goes on and on about how he used to fish when he was younger, and that I should be going out and catching fish for my family to eat, as well as my no-good dad, but Jordan is too psycho for that stuff. There's another thing I don't like, is how Jordan has schizophrenia. I know he can't help it, but I wish it'd just go away. I also have a problem with my dad, he doesn't know how to deal with real life situations. He leaves, or he gets angry, and it bothers me."

I'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT. SO, ARE YOU GOOD AT ANYTHING?
"Sports. That's pretty much all I'm good at. Some subjescts in school I'm good at, but not a whole lot of them."

THAT'S INTERESTING, NOW WHAT ARE YOU NOT SO GOOD AT?
"School..."

I BET I CAN BEAT YOU IN A THUMB WRESTLE AND HOLD MY BREATHE LONGER THAN YOU AT THE SAME TIME.
"I bet I'll win. I'm good at thumb wrestling, I won a thumb wrestling competition in grade two, so I'll probably win."

YOU MUST THINK I'M CRAZY. OH WELL, SAY, WHAT KIND OF QUALITIES DO YOU LIKE IN A SPOUSE?
"I have a thing for brunettes, and I don't know why. I don't like the girls with big boobs or big ass, I'm more of a 'as long as you're healthy' kind of guy, it doesn't mean I don't look at girls with big boobs though, because what kind of guy would I be if I didn't get interested here and there? I also like smart girls. Sure I'm dumb, but don't out-dumb me, okay?"

OH, I GUESS I'M NOT YOUR TYPE THEN, EH? WELL, WHAT DO YOU FIND UNATTRACTIVE IN A PERSON?
"Sluts, they're just crawling with diseases, and if they're not, I'd be surprised."

FINE, BE LIKE THAT. I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYWAYS.
"You're a slut? Sorry..."

OK, WE'RE GONNA PLAY A GAME. I'M GOING TO ASK SOME SIMPLE QUESTIONS, AND YOUR GOING TO SAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND, OK?
"Alright, sounds cool."

FAVORITE FOOD?
"Spaghetti."

FAVORITE MOVIE?
"Boondock Saints."

FAVORITE BAND/ARTIST?
"I don't really have one."

FAVORITE DRINK?
"Dr Pepper."

FAVORITE SUBJECT?
"Gym."

FAVORITE SPICE GIRL?
"Uh... The cute... One?"

FAVORITE TV SHOW?
"Family Guy."

FAVORITE HOLIDAY AND SEASON?
"Easter and spring."

FAVORITE WORD?
"Umm... I don't know..."

FAVORITE FAMOUS DEAD PERSON?
"Michael Jackson? No! Elvis?"

FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
"Afternoon!"

FAVORITE COLOR?
"Green."

FAVORITE BOOK?
"The Outsiders."

FAVORITE TOY?
"Dinkies!"

WELL, WASN'T THAT FUN? ON TO THE SERIOUS SHIT. TELL ME A BIT ABOUT YOURSELF.
"I'm a jock, a preppy jock. I wear brand name clothes, I play sports like it'll save the world, or something. I don't tend to treat people like they're below me, but it happens occasionally, you know? Sometimes I'm having a rough day with Jordan, or something, and it just slips out or something. I mean, I hold doors open, I'm polite, and I ask everyone how their day is going. I'm not all bad. I try to joke around as much as possible, sometimes I'm very cheesy, but other times I think I'm pretty funny.
I kind of eye guys down, sometimes... I mean, I don't like guys, right? I just... I don't know. Lately they're just attractive to me... It's strange."

MHMM, AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR FAMILY?
"Ha. My family is... Very dysfunctional. Mom tries hard, dad doesn't give a shit, grandpa is rude, and Jordan... Jordan is Jordan. He has schizophrenia, so a lot of stuff goes on in my home that doesn't really happen in a lot of other people's home, but we deal the way we know how, you know? We do it as best we can without the help of my dad."

VERY INTERESTING. SO HOW DID YOU END UP IN VIRGINIA BEACH?
"I grew up here my whole life."

RIGHT ON, MY FRIEND. SO, CAN YOU TELL US WHAT WAS YOUR BEST MEMORY?
"I have a lot of good memories. Probably getting my first goal in hockey, though. When I was about six, I got the puck in and it boosted my confidence way up."

HOW, LOVELY. AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR WORST MEMORY?
"When we found out Jordan has Schizophrenia..."

NOW, JUST WONDERING. WHAT RELIGION ARE YOU EXACTLY?
"I am Christian. I don't really attend church, but that's what my family believes in."

WHAT SORT OF CAREER WILL YOU GO INTO THEN?
"I dunno, maybe a Gym teacher, or something. I don't really have a job, right now. We have money at home to take care of me, so I don't really need to worry."

WHAT HAPPENED TO BE YOUR FIRST WORDS?
"Mama, dada. The normal stuff."

OMGWTFBBQ?!? WELL, LOOK AT THAT. I'VE NEVER SEEN A GENIE ACTUALLY COME OUT OF THE BOTTLE. WHAT ARE YOUR THREE WISHES?
"To not end up like my dad, that Jordan gets better, and I'll get somewhere in life."


WOW, WASN'T THAT FASCINATING?
"Not really?"

SO, YOU, UH, WITH ANYBODY AT THE PRESENT MOMENT?
"Nope, just kind of floating around at the moment."

WELL, YOU WANNA GO OUT SOME TIME? WHERE CAN I TAKE YA?
"Take me to the movies or something. I don't care what movie, I just want to make out."

HEY, IF YOUR NOT BUSY FRIDAY...WANNA GO OUT?
"No, you're a slut."

ALRIGHT, WHATEVER/COOL. THIS INTERVIEW IS COMING TO AN END. ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL US?
"Not really... I think I've covered it all. I'm a pretty slack kind of guy."

THIS FAKE INTERVIEWER DUDE GUY WILL SELF DESTRUCT IN FIVE SECONDS.
"Oh no!"
"

YO, MY NAME IS EMILY AND I'VE BEEN DOING THIS SHIZZ FOR FOUR YEARS. I PLAY FOUR OTHER CHARACTERS. HERE'S SOME OF MY WORK:

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